I finished the colored fanart weeks ago but the scanner decided to die on me... AGAIN. Oh well... I'm slooooowly progressing with the remade Dreamscapes. I'm finally finished with page 2 (YAY 4 PRoGreSs!). And I'm currently trying to make D.Gray-man fanart that doesn't look to yaoish (The Lord knows how much I read O.o... Hey, it's amusing. Besides, I have no qualms on yuri either. I don't mind some fetishes either, for some reason.).

Curse college, mehn! Screw major subjects! Hell, damn taking courses you don't like at all!! In my case, if I had gone to college back when I was at most my junior year in high school, I would have definitely suited my course and passed with flying colors!

It's just that I'm not the persona who best fits the job description for my current course. And I've given up a lot NOT to be THAT person again as much as possible, although this will eventually kill me anyway. Well, as much as I'd sometimes like to reverse time, time can not stop and rewind for me. At the very least, I'm getting a bit more energy than I've been getting these past days. I bet if I finally go to Japan, I can give that healing theory of mine a shot... But that is most unlikely anyway...

I am seriously considering running away from home to join the military... But I always stop myself from going with the thought of breaking my parents' hearts, especially my dad's. I am after all, his first daughter (and you know how the stereotype goes for the father-daughter relationship). But then again, it's the call I've always been hearing. The call of a convent isn't that far off, but seriously, why would the nuns take me in? Although my prayers will most likely be heard louder if I do enter the convent.

I calculated recently the time span I would have to be comatosed to regain my lost sleep. It turns out that I have to be in a coma for 2 years , 1 month, 15 days, and 15 hours to regain the proper amount of sleeping hours. Considering that sleeploss can shorten one's lifespan, I wonder how much time I still have. Considering that I have ulcer ( started around the same time I stopped sleeping well... which was what? 8 and a half years ago?, major unreleased grudges, hate and frustrations (I try my best to let go... I just can't seem to. The constructive outlets sure as hell don't work. The only way I can get it out of my system is in the military training & protocol.), and some other diseases that i don't know but is showing alarming symptoms every now and then (yeah, I know I should go to the hospital already... I just don't know how I'll be able to do that on my own without my parents knowing...), I'm guesing I don't really have much left...

I rarely study. Right now I'm procastinating the day before a report and with a pile of assignment to be done for the previous weeks... I just can't get serious enough to study. What for? Really...Oh well... I hope I finally get to live without regretting so much the things that I didn't really have that firm a grasp on... That I don't have to blame myself for every sorrow and disappointment in this world that I have always never really been part of...